Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Night before the Anti-Climax

Mystery Solved  

After days of extensive research we can now assert beyond the shed of any doubt that “Covfefe” is actually an Arabanglish word. Arabanglish is an emerging language spoken by the Arabic-speaking diaspora in English speaking countries. As an equivalent to Spanglish, it combines Arabic and English vocabulary and borrows from Arabic and English grammar. As an Arabanglish word Covfefe simply means “Is there coffee?” The “v” in Covfe is actually silent and the word is actually a variant spelling of the English word “coffee,” just as “coffee” is, in fact, a variant spelling of the Arabic word “qahwa.” The last syllabus “fe” is from Arabic as well and it means, in this context at least, either “is there?” or “there is” depending on whether one is making a statement or asking a question? A common practice in Arabic. Linguistically speaking, then, the mystery of “Covfefe” is finally solved.

As to what President Trump actually meant by it, well, our DDGD sources embedded deep inside his inner psyche have managed to obtain this startling confession from the man himself.

Homo Democraticus

In his most recent interview, the renowned anthropologist Dr. Eric Trump is warning us of a burgeoning danger that has been slowly growing in our midst. Be afraid people. Be very fucking afraid. For are we are being invaded by…Democrats… And they are NOT people. I repeat, Democrats are NOT people. Please, feel free to soylent-brown your pants.  

Indeed, for long the extensive fieldwork that Dr. Trump has been undertaking in order to prove his hypothesis has been the subject of academic ridicule. This is no longer the case. With the global attention his research is now receiving, the phenomenon is going global.

An Important Message from the Dear Leader

For his part, the North Korean leader Kim Jon-Un has an important message for the American people regarding Trump and his decision to pull out of the Paris Accord. By bringing his immense moral authority to weigh in on the conversation, Jong-Un hopes to bring Trump supporters to finally see the light. His villainous light.

Not to be outdone by any of his colleagues, the leader of the Dark World, Russian President Vladimir Putin, is intensifying his charm offensive, meaning that he has just said more offensive things with a straight face than he has done in a long time, if not ever. He’s been building up towards this moment for a lifetime. 

Reality Fights Back

But the defenders of reality will not stay down and are fighting back. But “honesty is such a lonely word,” and will facts be enough? They are usually anti-climactic by nature, but our times keep crying out for the sensational.

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