Friday, November 27, 2015

The Death of Containment

Source: Al-Araby Al-Jadeed 
DDGD November 27, 2015

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The Deliricon 

The events of the last few days have necessitated the adoption of several new terms into the Holy Deliricon. These are some of the newest, with more to come.

Fantalution: A fantastical proposal offered as a solution to a real problem. Verb: to fantalize.

Czarsultanism: An acute case of megalomania often observed among certain members of Zoa Autocrata, a subspecies of the human genus known for its inherent, nihilistic and perennial need for control and notice at any cost, especially when said cost can be passed to other members of the said subspecies or members of other subspecies of the said genus.

Tovarendim (Tovarishch + Effendim): a Russo-Turkish hybrid word whose meaning could be either "Your Excellency" or "You Asshole" depending on the context.  

Purdogan: The political equivalent of Bennifer or Brangelina, minus the sex appeal. That is, unless one has a fetish for fiends or ghouls. Purdogans are known for their continuous struggle with self-loathing which often compels them to lash out against all those standing around them within a circle a million mile in radius, before taking their own lives, often by proxy.

Fienghouls: Mongrels resulting from the coupling of fiends and ghouls and are fetishized by Purdoganistas.

Latakrimea and Tarturea: Taken together, they represent the equivalent of Valhalla in ancient Putinian mythology. The current Russian strongman, Vladdie the Pu, has long declared his belief that Latakrimea and Tarturea are not mythological places, and refer in fact to two ancient kingdoms that stretched from the Black Sea all the way to the easternmost coasts of the Mediterranean Sea. He has recently embarked on a major worldwide expedition in search of proof for his fantastical theory dismissed by all respected historians and archeologists.

Kurdophobia: A mental illness characterized by existential delirium known to strike the political elite in Turkey, Iran, Iraq and Syria. The illness is often accompanied by high fever and a tendency to shoot oneself in the foot repeatedly while firing at unarmed Kurdish protesters, or dropping bombs or chemical weapons on Kurdish civilians.   

Seriese Consecuencese: 1) A rare type of worm known to specifically inhabit the anal fissure of Russian Czar Vladdie the Pu, Aka Ivan the Orrible; 2) A mental illness characterized by impulsive overreaction to an idiotic challenge to one's own foolhardy overreach. 

Purdogatory: An extreme reaction to irony characterized by repeated and vicious recourse to self-flagellation by proxy. 

Fuckyuroshka: A series of nesting Russian hopes and dreams ending with a middle finger whose top represents the smiling head of Russian Oligarch Vladdie the Pu. 

Erdogland: A small gland located in the human brain just behind the temporal lobe. In the overwhelming majority of humans, it’s known to have absolutely no function. But in rare instances it was observed to produce special hormones, the Erdobones, that cause bouts of bullshittery and megalomaniac rants and actions in the afflicted. 

Pukha and Vladali: Russo-Persian drinks made of the fermented quintessence of shit, self-righteous lies, and illusions of grandeur. Pukha is often consumed during a morning ritual that features a number of executions followed by public bridal showers for the spouses of the executed who are believed to have regained their virginity and could be now pounced upon by the nearest relative. Vladali, on the other hand, is consumed before going to sleep as it is known for enabling sleepers to remember every gory detail of their ghoulish dreams of endless blood-fests and virgin-sacrifice upon waking up.

Erdoban: A draft UN resolution calling for an international ban on substances known to stimulate the Erdogland leading to the production of Erdobones. Pukha and Vladali are also among the substances known to aid in the production of Erdobones. Russia, Turkey, Iran and China are among the many states opposing the ban on cultural grounds.

Sushi Saudimi: A particularly spicy fish dish popular in Saudi Arabia and other member states of the Gulf Cooperation Council. It is often made with the Khalijli fish, native to Gulf waters, but on many occasions Khayali and Wahmi fish, also native to Gulf waters, are also added to the mix. First, the fish is chopped and left to marinate overnight in unrefined oil, while a special sheikh intones verses of the Furqan, a special Qur’an which certain Wahhabi scholars believe that only fish can understand. Then, the fish is cooked within the bowls of a dead camel where it is slowly roasted for 24-36 hours by the natural gasses emanating from the decaying corpse and trapped within the bowls. A special scholar is, then, called upon to make the first cut in the camel’s abdomen to retrieve the fish bits, now thoroughly cooked. Finally, and just before consumption, the fish gets drenched with special Wahhabi sauce who secret is known only to the special ruling council of the Wahhabi Establishment. Before partaking of the delicacy, remember to incant the famous prayer “Akuluki wa akrahu n-Nisaa’ wa akta’u raas al-shu’araa, ithan ana Wahhabi,” which you would understand had you been a fish.

Assad: (Ass + Sad): A sad and lonely anus whose continuous involuntary shitting can only be cured by the medievalist practice of impalement. An old ‘Alawite smuggler who lived in a small mountainous village in northern Syria in early Twentieth Century decided to adopt the epithet as his family name by way of acknowledging and embracing his shitty lot in the world, and that of anyone fool enough to expect any good to come out of someone’s sad anus.

Sisi: An ancient Egyptian epithet given to a weak Pharaoh whose true loyalty often goes to the highest fucker. Not to be confused with… Mubarak: an ancient Egyptian epithet given to the Pharaoh who survives by devouring his subjects. Historically speaking, a Mubarak was often followed by a Sisi, usually after a brief interregnum of bullshittery. For his part, a Sisi often meets a tragic end and is usually followed by long period of chaos and blood-fuckery.

Obama: (Oba + maaaa): A term derived from an ancient African dialect, now rarely spoken, which, according to some experts, means literally the Goat Keeper. Not to be confused with Obima meaning the Goat Herder. Other experts, however, think the implication is rather offensive and that the actual meaning cannot be determined with any accuracy on the basis of existing evidence. Be that at it may, in practice, the term was used to refer to a powerful yet continuously befuddled warlock who ends up losing every confrontation he ever has with his enemies on account of his pathological obsession with reflecting, for far too long, on the potential fallouts and costs of any possible action on his part employed to address a certain rising challenge, a practice that often gives his enemies time to engage in more actions that end up creating even more challenges that need to be met, further complicating the initial situation that was being pondered and, in the process, necessitating a reassessment of any conclusions that had already been reached or were close to being reached, in addition to engagement in even more reflections on the implications of the new developments and complications as well as all related fallouts and costs entailed by any action that could be taken to address them, be it separately or in tandem with the old challenge.

Okaka: An old epithet thought to be French in origin. It is the epithet that is likely to be bestowed, eventually and quite inevitably considering the raw materials involved, upon the presumptive Republican presidential candidate running in the 2016 presidential elections.

Terrorism: Terrible crimes centered on killing and meant to deliver a certain message of purported political or social import, though they are, in fact, nothing more than nihilistic acts of senseless rebellion driven by hate, self-loathing and despair mascaraing as commitment to a larger cause, albeit hate and lust for power is more often the prime motivators of those who end up as leaders of the terrorist organizations. In regard to popular perceptions, terrorism is often seen as a sensational though senseless crime perpetrated against “us” by certain “them” deemed as evil and foreign even if they were second or third generation citizens. The selfsame crimes, however, are celebrated as “necessary,” “justifiable” and “legitimate” acts of “resistance” by their perpetrators, their few sympathizers within the ranks of “them,” and their far more numerous sympathizers among the self-loathing segments found among “us.”

The Delirica  

* In our hyper-globalized hyper-connected world, whatever happens anywhere won’t stay there. That is, containment is effectively dead even as the illusion of it lingers on in some minds.

** No, Trump is not popular because “he tells it as it is.” Indeed, he is often factually wrong on what “it” is. Trump is popular among certain segments because he legitimates their hidden prejudices by echoing them out loud and for all to hear. In this sense, his popularity reflects the resurgence on the scene of an old malaise with which America keeps struggling: the inability to be all inclusive all the time. There always has to be a certain domestic other from whom we need protection.

The Daily Delirynth 

Purdogania: Russia plays down idea of coalition with West to strike ISIS in Syria. Indeed, Putin’s focus will not shift from propping the Assad regime anytime soon. As such, he needs to remain focused on defeating the moderate rebels, yes, all 70,000 of them, if he had to. Is this playing with fire, as Erdogan puts it? Perhaps it is, but isn’t this the perennial game in which Zoa Autocrata has been known to play ever since its emergence onto the scene?

The Faqihnameh: Iranian media is revealing that scores of the country’s fighters are dying in Syria. But this may not be as much as a sign of rebellion, as some would like it to be, as a sign of defiance and price on part of the establishment. “They are proud of this and they want to show it,” says Ali Alfoneh of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies. Also, the numbers involved, 67 in October, are too small to generate such a response in a country that used to suffer thousands of casualties every day during the Iraq-Iran war, even when we factor in changing demographics and fading memories. Indeed, reform in Iran is impossible under the Velayet-e Faqih umbrella.

But, it’s probably the revelation that Iran didn't sign the nuclear deal - and it isn't legally binding that should be on the mind of all now, had it not been for the other craziness going on. Oh what a legacy this is shaping up to be.  

Saudocalypse: Saudi says military option in Syria still viable. See the definition of Fantalution above. And this is another manifestation of fantalizing on part of Saudi authorities: If you keep saying Saudi Arabia is like ISIS, you might get used. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia keeps behaving like ISIS: Saudi Arabia executions: Kingdom to behead 50 men convicted of terrorism offences despite Shia revolt threat.

The Qalifate: ISIS Affiliate Claims Attack at Bangladesh Shiite Mosque. Coming on the heels of a string of deadly assaults against foreigners and secular writers, IS/Daesh seems clearly intent on destabilizing the country, which is set to emerge as a major exporter of natural gas in the near future, if only it could safeguard its stability. The prospects of instability have so far turned away many potential investors.

Meanwhile, the attempts at destabilizing Nigeria is proceeding as “planned…” Suicide bomber hits Shi'ite procession in Nigeria's Kano state.

And how to fund all this? Like everyone else does of course: put oil on the market and anyone will buy it, irrespective of the identity of the seller and of how he manage it to obtain the “reserves.” Organized Terrorism Is Organized Crime, just like Organized Oppression Is Organized Terrorism.

Ted Cruz Introduces Bill To Designate Muslim Brotherhood as Terrorist Organization. While I do believe that the Muslim Brotherhood is indeed a fascist organization, as all organizations advocating the marriage of religion and politics rejecting secular ideals through intentional misrepresentation, the idea of designating as a terrorist organization represents a dangerous infringement in free speech and association. For there is an intimate ideational link between fascist and terrorist organization, there is insufficient proof in this case for a structural organizational link. You cannot fight one form of fascism with another form of fascism.

Refugenics: In the meantime, some would like to remind us that: As the world turns away, refugees are still drowning in the Med, including dozens of children. 

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